November 10, 2009

Word of the Day: Surreal

Well, I've made it part way. I'm sitting at a power station in LAX, and, quite frankly, having a hard time focusing on what to write for this blog post. I've spent the last few weeks in a complete state of stress and anxiety over this trip, making sure I've taken care of every last detail and prepared myself for whatever may come my way. Since I haven't bought all my tickets for the trip, and have no idea how much time I'll spend in any one location, it seems funny to have spent so much time and energy preparing to be spontaneous. I'm glad I did, though, and feel better knowing my life back home is taken care of while I'm away.

Because I spent so much time stressing over getting everything done before the trip, I had little time to get excited. I think I felt that once I got on the plane to LA, I'd begin to get excited about what I'm going to see and do and people I may meet. Honestly, I'm not feeling that right now. I'm exhausted and emotional, to be frank. I love Colorado, and miss it already. And I miss people. Right now, a warm bed and a hug from a familiar face would be fantastic. Part of me wonders whether I'm putting my life on hold and taking this trip just to check it off the list...to prove to myself that I can do it. I have to assume these are normal feelings. I've picked up my life, once again, and am heading out to a world unknown to me. Everything is foreign, so I've been clinging to the familiar. I think once I arrive in Oz, after a few days of realizing I'm not in Kansas anymore, I'll start to settle in to the new routine, albeit a loose one.

People have been asking me if I'm nervous or scared at all. Uh....YES. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But honestly, it's not really a fear for my safety. It's more a fear of the unknown. This entire day I have felt like I'm moving through some sort of out-of-body experience. The whole thing is quite surreal. Tough to explain, and I'm an exhausted, emotional mess right now, so bear with me.

I've been reminding myself of several things the last few days:
1) People travel like this all the time. It's not that dramatic. It's just new to me. Just as I had to adjust to new ways and skills when I took my first restaurant job at the age of 29, I will adjust to the ways and skills of travel, as well.
2) Someone once told me that life begins outside of your comfort zone. I am definitely outside of my comfort zone, and I haven't even left my home country, yet.
3) For a woman holding a serious fear of living a stagnant life (could you tell?), this is the ultimate way to avoid that. Hmm, interesting thought. Perhaps I'll hang onto that for another blog entry down the road.

And now for some amusing sights and experiences today:
1) The airport police at LAX travel via segue (sp?). They are surprisingly thin for such passive patrolling.
2) LAX is not a nice airport. Even more, gazing out the window at the brown haze hovering over the city makes me very glad to live in Colorado. No offense to my Cali friends.
3) Only 13 hours into 33 hours of travel time expected, and I already feel disgusting.
4) I made my first trip friend today. A large, gay Aussie with bleach-blonde hair, wearing a pink button-down shirt, black jeans, and bright orange Crocs, carrying a case full of make-up. Quite the character, and a nice individual. Don't worry, I'm being very wary and careful. Nevertheless, we had a pleasant chat and it made some of the hours go by.

With that, I'm going to go find some dinner, change into my sweatpants for the flight, and begin to think sleepy thoughts.

1 comment:

  1. Loving hearing about your trip already, Jess. Sounds like everything is *perfect* -- just as it should be, as you step out on this adventure. Looking forward to your next update.
    - Kevin

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